Before Ted was born I used to think logically about things. I decided I would be more than happy with him going to childcare and that it would do him good being away from me.
When he was born, going back to work felt like such a long way off and I barely even thought about it but over the past few months with deciding on a form of childcare which best suited us and organising going back to work I have been distracted from any feelings other than stress.
Now with only 3 days left of maternity leave its has really began to sink in that I will be leaving my little man and venturing back into the big world! All logic goes out of the window when feelings get involved.
I feel nervous, sad and even angry that I have to leave him. I find myself thinking irrational thoughts about times gone by when mothers sole jobs were to be just that, mothers. I want to be that mother who plans activities with their child, spends every day teaching them everything there is to know about the world and exploring with my best friend at my side.
I know that can't happen as with most families we just don't have the money for me not to work. I also know once were both settled into a routine it will be ok and our time together will be more precious.
Our decision on childcare for Ted was a tough one. Nurseries are great, they have endless supplies of toys and learning aids to assist in development and lots of other children to interact with but in turn are quite expensive and have less one on one time.
Childminders are like a home away from home with fewer children and more time for them to spend with each child and are slightly cheaper. I also had to decide on someone I liked and trusted as they would be the sole carer for my child when I wasn't there.
We eventually decided a childminder would be better suited to us as Ted is still quite young and we wanted him to be in a home environment while he is little.
I scoured the internet, asked for recommendations and eventually got a contact for a lovely lady who lives 5 minutes down the road. I called her and she seemed nice so we took Ted for a visit.
I was amazed at her gorgeous home and the huge garden filled with toys and play equipment. She connected with Ted instantly and he was more than happy to be around her. He even gave her husband a smile when he got home from work. My decision was made.
We booked in a couple of inductions for Ted and the childminder to have a test run. His first induction was on Tuesday. We filled out some paperwork while he played with the 3 older children and my heart melted when they called him 'Teddy' after hearing it from Joe.
We left him playing and I collected him a few hours later. He was a bit crabby because it was dinner time but he had a good time. He had been running around the house in a walker chasing the other children who kept shouting 'Ted is running over my toes!'
The childminder sent us over a couple of pictures of him playing and this one made me feel instantly happy!
|Playing in the swing at the childminders|
I know Ted will be fine while I am at work and he has another induction today where he will have lunch and a nap to see if he settles ok. I just need to get myself feeling happier leaving him!
I look forward to reporting back in a few weeks time to let you all know how well we settled...fingers crossed!